Summer and vulgarity

The last couple of days its been around 33 degrees, fortunately, it was a chilly 30 last night. I swear whichever cheapass designed my house built it during winter. I went out for a jog yesterday, and you know it's hot when you're dripping sweat while stretching.

So there's this new pornographic film out which is being sued cos it got filmed in a food van and there are other issues, blah blah blah. So the film starts with a guy asking the chick selling food: "You got anything vegetarian?" and she replies: "No, but I got something vagitarian." O the sophistication.

I was watching QI last night and Stephen Fry went nuts with sexual innuendos. He told a story of how he met the Duke of Westminster, and when someone asked him if they became friends, he replied: "No, I never got a chance to penetrate his intimate circle". Apparently there's a pub which has a sign that says "Liqour at the front, poker in the back". Say that fast and you'll get it.

Something which is quite scary is the fact that the age of consent in the Vatican City is only 12 years old. This means that if a 12 year old consents, the pope can fuck 'im. Why am I not surprised.

Films, TV, Books and public nudity

There's this new movie coming out called The Black Swan. At first glance it seems like a boring ballet film. But reading a review I found out it's actually a horror film delving into psychological issues. More importantly there's a lesbian sex scene. Suddenly sounds like a not-so-boring ballet film.

For those that have televisions, you should have noticed an annual sporting event known as the Australian Open. I was watching a regular women's match that had nothing going on until a commentator said: "She's penetrating her opponent with her balls." Thank god for commentary.

Some may have read the book "General Ignorance", and for those who haven't it's a definite must read. It contains a multitude of facts regarding everyday knowledge we take for granted. And then proves them wrong. Fortunately the authors have come up with a second book which I am enjoying verily much so. Some interesting facts I've learned in the first 50 pages include: oranges aren't orange, Darwin never studied finches, snakes have 2 penises, octopuses lose their penises during sex, octopuses is a better word than octopi scientifically, there is a species of gorilla with a scientific name of gorilla gorilla gorilla, water doesn't freeze at zero degrees celsius and fish don't exist. For explanations of these arguments go borrow "The second book of general ignorance" by John Lloyd and John Mitchinson.

Due to an extreme case of laziness, I walked out of the pool today with a towel around my waist instead of pants. Due to an extreme case of retardation, I took off my towel without realising I was in public. At least it ticks off one of my life goals: "Hang out with my wang out".

Anime and old people

I regularly browse Sporcle for fun games and and ran into some anime related ones. 101 Anime Openings I have posted before, which I scored 37. However it's been six months since I last played that one and my score has improved to 69. No need to play that one again. Name the Anime is a long one, it was tl;dr so I only got 51, but still a good test of knowledge.

My grandma got some mail and wanted me to check whether it was sent to her or not. It annoys me deeply that she's been in and out of the country for 15 years and doesn't know how to read her own name in English. I mean, 15 years ago I couldn't differ between red and orange, but now I'm doing skilled activities such as playing Rainbow Ninja. Sometimes peoples' laziness to learn new stuff is just unbelievable.

So I finally caught up to One Piece and it made me realise just how slow manga is. At about chapter 570, I realised I was still about a year off from the newest chapter. I read the last 40 odd chapters in a day and a half, yet it took about 9 months to draw it. Gotta give some respect to mangakas and translators too.

On that note, I gotta give creds to the translators of the No Laughing Spy game. Almost complete, absolutely cannot wait. Gooooo Chono!

Swimming pools, garages, primary school

So I've gone swimming recently and I've wondered, if you work hard enough, do you/can you sweat while swimming? I can't really tell since I'm wet and not feeling hot. From what I know you need to feel hot for your body to release sweat, not sure if that's correct. Just a ponderism.

Today my mum made me clean out our garage which has about 20 years of crap in there. Among it I found: novels from the 70's and 80's, 1990 SD and IT textbooks (Lolled at tower-sized hard drives), heaps of empty cardboard boxes (Some contained about 5 kgs of air, absolutely amazing), a copy of almost everything we have in the kitchen (Who the fuck buys a spare toaster?), and a book on "How to knit clothes". After lugging huge boxes around for a while, there were some black lumps I saw everywhere, including a few pieces stuck on my shirt. 'What kinda shit is this?' I wondered. The answer was rat. It caused me to elicit this kind of response.




















I recently discovered that a game I played in primary which had been shut down for a while is back up. FlashFlashRevolution is a game like DDR but with arrow keys. Extremely addictive if you find a fun song to play. Includes some classics like The Entertainer, Flight of the Bumblebee (Hard as anal rape), The Tetris Game song etc. but mostly technoey crap. Still, it's good to bring back some memories.

Which brings me to Pooya. For those that don't know, Pooya (real name Poya), was an Iranian dumbass in my old school, who believed he's Persian. Among his quirks include an imaginary religion which disallows him from watching the Simpsons. Might I add that he's retarded? I remember he used to eat by ripping his food to shreds, and shovelling it into his mouth like a fucktard. He was my first friend, but after getting beat up for 6 months for befriending him, I was like Fuck Off. One time I got a brick chucked at me, so don't go judging me so soon. There were countless stories which people from Ermo would laugh at so much. Go up to Ragu and say "Who was Pointy567?" and he's guaranteed to ROFL. My favourite prank on Pooya was locking him inside the toilets and pretending we were going to die in there. Oh how he cried. But the best story about him was the rumour he had to drop out of high school due to penile gangrene. PFffft!!! HAHAHAAHA

Floods and old friends

In case any one reading this lives under a rock in a cave, recently in Queensland there have been some horrible floods. Why do I say it's horrible? Cos now nothing is on TV. Seriously, about 12 hours a day on at least 4 channels played crap about how bad the situation is. Ye we get it! Shit happened. There is a channel called ABC News especially for news. USE IT. And seriously, it wasn't even devastating in terms of K/D ratio. Most natural disasters take thousands or tens of thousands of lives. This didn't even take tens. For all those who think I'm being horrible, I already bought a first class ticket to hell by laughing at Sickipedia, and now I'm booking an express flight.

This afternoon I want for a walk 'for health' and saw some Asian guy about my age. I thought to myself, I've lived here 12 years and I know every kid who grew up here but I don't recognise this guy. When I was younger, I knew every single person between the ages of 5 and 12 within half a kilometre. So to meet a new face startled me. Also since my mum talks about realty a lot, I don't remember new people moving in around the area. Dismissing it, I continued to walk. Only for him to say 'hey' to me. Only for me to realise it's a guy I was really good friends with for about 5 years. It was really awkward since I walked right past him without recognising him. Really makes me think about the paths I've taken in life, and how I've left so much behind. I began to have one of those deep moments where you take a trip down memory lane, and question "What have I done with my life? Where will I go in the future?" It also made me wonder who my friends will be in the future, (since I was still good friends with this guy in early-mid year 9). With university looming in the near future, I wonder who I'll become and how I'll interact with other people. Thinking back to primary school, I realise I was a totally different person to what I am now. Will I remain the same? Or will I once again metamorphosise into a persona that fits the people I hang out with?

Apologies for the random deep thoughts, but maybe it's a good idea to have a thought about aspects of life outside of ATAR, family, hobbies, anime, games etc. Maybe you will have an epiphany and change everything you are. Drop out of school and become a silver haired samurai. Who knows what the future may hold.

“You are the same today that you are going to be in five years from now except for two things: the people with whom you associate and the books you read.” -Charles Jones.

Earphones and pickup lines

I'm sure everyone has encountered what I call the 'earphone phenomenon'. This involves placing earphones in a small compact area like a pocket, resulting in a multitude of unexplainable knots upon extraction. What has science got to say for this issue? Must I continually spend minutes of my life untangling cords? We must put a stop to this now, before it gets out of control. It won't be long now, before people of the human race are kneeling at the feet of earphone cords, attempting to untangle them.

I don't know if they have a name, but I believe those rectangular plastic blocks at supermarket checkouts are one of the best inventions ever. You know the things that tell when one person's items end and the next person's begins? Whoever came up with that must be bloody rich by now.

Most people would have heard of the Warner Bros. Bleach film by now, and considering Dragonball Evolution, we all know it will be plain shit. To make matters worse, this is the guy directing it Douche. I mean he's done 3 Adam Sandler movies, what the fuck?

Now that we are growing up, I've realised there may come a time where we'll be picking up chicks at bars and whatnot. So it's probably a good idea to start coming up with some good pick up lines.

Guy: "Is your name Melony?"
Girl: "Why do you say that?"
Guy: "'Cos you got a nice set of melons!"

A bit of a risky one I must say, but it just might pay off.

P plates, thieving and random noobery

Today I finally went to get my P's, 17 years old and 1 month. I thought it was funny that it started raining 5 minutes before I started, and became sunny 5 minutes after I was done.
Within 5 minutes of the actual exam, I lost all 3 points in an attempted 3 point turn (funny how the title is also the score). But I brought it back in the end to score 104.

The other day I was watching 'The Trophy Room', and some guy fully dissed a chick with the nickname 'Ashes'. She's been given a lot of stuff but according to him she's been a little bitch about it. I won't go into the full story, but point is he really showed his dislike of her. I thought it was hilarious when it turned out she was the guest star on the show. That was an awkward greeting.

I went out to have lunch today and I've always wondered why they give you a small plate of chili sauce at yamcha. Who actually finishes that off? The most I've ever used is like 2 dips.
Wouldn't stores save shitloads of money if they didn't supply that to everyone? Seems pretty dumb to me. While there I also noticed chandeliers on the roof. I noticed that this particular one fully covered up the lightbulb, looking much like an upside down dome the size of a table. I would rather have anal than try to change that mother bitch.

While at the shops I saw some old people at the fruit/veg shop pull off an awesome heist. They got a few bags full of stuff and ran off with it. How does this heist work you may ask? Well they can always play the 'Old Card'. E.g. "Oops! I forgot to pay! Silly me." Finally there's a reason to live past 60!

Spiders, baby got front and birds

Today I was walking and saw a spider web. I was so close to walking into it I fully flipped. It made me realise something, and that's the fear of the unknown. Thinking back, I don't feel any fear if there's a spider in front of me, cos it's right there. However if there's only a web, I wanna know where that little fucker is. Is it on me? What if it's laying eggs on me as I speak? AHHHH!!

After the spider web I saw a chick from behind who looked like she was hot, but when she turned around, she showed off her fatass stomach and ogre face. This is an interesting thing I've come across many times in my past. What's even scarier is when the front half looks hot, but it turns out to be a man. This next image shows what I'm talking about.




















This is what should be dubbed 'Baby got Front'.

I was watching the news today and saw that in the US 5000 birds died simultaneously in one place. In one day. At New Years Eve. When fireworks were being shot into the sky. LOL.

I can't think of a good quote from the fireworks episode that actually refers to fireworks, but the silver haired devil (Not Gundam) will always have a smart thing to say.

"Even if you lose all memory in your head, the ones engraved in your heart, and the ones that exist in your soul will never disappear, no matter what happens."

A splosion, health

So my family finally asploded today, with lots of Asian screaming and yelling. Too much hate in the air, should have bought some air purifiers. So my grandma is finally leaving back to China and my mum is bound to blame me again. She's beginning with ridiculous comments. Example is today I was reading manga, and she comes in and says that game looks very tiring, it's better if I do maths instead. Wha- how-













She actually read a page over my shoulder and called it a game. Fagshitcockmuffin.

On a more random note, I sat down while farting today and whistled through my ass. That definitely brightened my day.

The song 'Under Pressure' is so awesome it anally rapes Vanilla Ice. Listen to the first 2 bars and you'll know what I mean.

I watched videos on Youtube and have spent much time practicing the Wookiee sound that Chewbacca makes. Before you try it, I must warn you that it dries your throat like sucking Spongebob's dick. I've had to drink so much water to continue practice sessions, I spend half the day pissing.

In the past year since I've stopped doing PE, I realise I get no exercise. Every part of my body is starting to act like it's really old and retarded. Hope I don't lose some chromosomes. I seriously think I should start gymming or something. Recently I've noticed my teeth are not so white and out of shape, maybe should spend thousands of dollars on cosmetic braces like a certain sibling. Or become a driller?

"Driller?! What the hell's a driller?! Why do you have your own drill?! He's crazy! No fear of drills!"

Let's just hope the next time I go to the dentist I don't get a part of me dipped in ponzu sauce, nor get Battle Fairy Shazzan as my nurse.

Asian invasion

I read some interesting trivia about American culture. The most common surname beginning with S is unsurprisingly Smith. For J it's Johnson. However for X, it is Xiong. That is seriously surprising. Looks like Chinese spies are infiltrating the US.

Watching the news recently, it turns out the Terminator wasn't a great governor. California's economic condition is much worse after his term, although it's mostly the GFC's fault. I thought it was funny someone called Sherry Bebitch was commenting on his term. Bebitch, lol.