Asian, women and cars

Recently I've noticed that there are some really cool phone numbers. An easily remembered one I saw recently was 9222 2222. 13 37 ?? was another one I saw, the last two digits being entirely insignificant. Now imagine a fob buys a house and gets the number 8888 8888. Eight 8s? He'll probably yell out "Fah tsai lah!" and come in his pants.

Onto something my mum did which severely pissed me off. She got spam mail telling her she could make 1000's of dollars a month with their amazing new bullshit. Despite my blatant attempts at persuading her otherwise, she decided it would be a good idea to send $200 to an offshore company. I'll spare the details of the scam, but say that my family is now a few trillion Zimbabwean dollars poorer.

This may surprise, but my mum is not only Asian and a woman but also drives a car! Being all of the above it is no surprise our car is royally fucked. Despite the fact the engine has had trouble starting for the last 2 months, my mum thought the car would survive til our next 6-monthly service. This has led to the engine being absolutely unable to initiate, and we must now jump start the car if we want to go anywhere. Time to call NRMA.

Live long and prosper~

Ikea, the Simpsons and 40 hour famine

On the weekend my mum made me go buy a table I don't want nor need. Apparently shoving a random table in my room wasn't enough, oh no; she really wants me miserable so we went to buy a table from Ikea. Ikea can be described quite simply. It is a maze which continually forces you to look at cheap but mostly useless stuff, while the only exit is one floor down and requires about half a kilometre of travel to reach. If you buy anything which you most likely will, you must then spend hours working out how to build it. Then to top it off, they sell extremely cheap hot dogs possibly made from the left over meat from other sausage factories. It is a hell maze and I was lucky to get out alive.

Onto more pressing matters, I have spent the last year or so analysing the Simpsons. Too much English classes? Maybe. But I've realised just how many political, social and sexual jokes the writers shove into each episode. I can quite confidently guarantee that in every episode there is at least 3 jokes which an 8 year old wouldn't and shouldn't understand. E.g. in the episode where Homer gives Marge paddle pop sticks to make models he says: "I've never been so happy to give you wood". I was utterly shocked at the Sickipedia-esque joke. But sometimes the writers also go the other way, when Homer parodised a quote from Casablanca, which is such a sophisticated form of comedy as compared to the previous joke. I wonder what other shows are brainwashing the children of tomorrow?

Finally I'd like to talk about an annoying thing about myself. I realised the other day that I swear way too much after a certain conversion:

Friend 1: You swear so much, do you have tourettes or something?
Me: F*ck no!
Friend 2: Hah! You just swore again
Me: Ah shit!

After such an outburst I wondered maybe I should not talk for the nearing 40 hour famine? Ah fuck it.

Annoying siblings and religion

Most people have younger siblings, and all of them are annoying. My sister is 3 years younger, so she has had no function in my life (she's bad at computer games, sports, and follows exactly what other people say meaning she's got 0 opinions, ergo I can't discuss anything with her because I know the answer already). Anyway, recently she started playing the drums again, and has got some sort of retardation where she has to tap or smack things all day long. The car window, dinner bowls, walls, doors, tables etc. It's driving me nuts. To add to her annoyance, she got a little plastic whistle which she blows 1 hour a day. I have a feeling she'll be tapping and blowing many more things in years to come.

The issue of banning the burka has been discussed internationally, with some countries or states deciding to ban it. I do have a slight issue with the fact that it's a plain disguise. But what I'm more annoyed about is that only burkas are being targeted. I saw a fob the other day, but he couldn't see me. His hair covered half his face. Is that not a disguise I ask? I would feel much more comfortable if long fringes are banned, rather than a religious clothing, even if religion is total bullshit. So from now on I'm bringing scissors with me everywhere.

May the force be with you~

All the small things and more racism?

As it's nearing exams time, study notes are the major bee archers for the next few weeks. But sometimes it's the small things that tend to annoy. Example: my mum stayed home to take me to the doctor at 12pm (she does get points for that), but still made me wake up at 7:10 to go to school myself. Another small thing I recently noticed, is why do the stickwomen on the toilet doors get dresses, but the guys are naked? Food for thought.

Some shocking images were recently brought to my attention, and this really surprised me and made me go: "Oh yeaaaah."

Most people have seen the caution wet floor is slippery sign but what about these?






























Explanations?
Black people fuck animals
Black people are slaves
Black people are drunkards
Black people are gay
White people are heroic firefighters

After seeing these pictures I ask you, what the fiddlestick is wrong with our society?

Racism and the English language

If you haven't noticed it yet, you are clinically retarded, because racism is everywhere. It has always been around and most likely always will. Probably in the future Asians, Browns, Blacks and maybe the Mexicans will rise up and sodomise the white people like no tomorrow. But for now ethnicity is a reason to be bullied. I know what it's like too, around Dundas there are loads of bogans and they've given me shit for a decade. But it's time to stop all this people. Lets not be racists, but be embracists. Except for the abos. Fuck the abos. In case you haven't realised, about 150 other countries got taken over by more powerful armies so shut the fuck up. Look at the central americans. After the Conquistadors they don't sit around whining. They jump the border and work as gardeners and cleaners in the US. So fuck off, you stealing, petrol sniffing, unemployed bastards and jump the border. Go to NZ.

Now onto the English language. Hopefully all of you know your alphabet. Apparently Americans don't. Unsurprising. Playing 'Name the states starting and ending in consonants', I found that 'y' isn't a consonant anymore. But onto more pressing matters, fuck the letter 'q'. In my above paragraph you will find the only word containing 'q' is Conquistadors, which isn't even an English word. So why on earth do we need it? Ever since my beginnings in kindergarten I've pondered such a useless letter. Surely 'kw' will suffice? Lets just ignore q from now on and replace it with appropriate letters. Any kwestions can be asked school, don't kyue up though because my kwest for freedom from this letter is kwite arduous. Viva la revolucion!

Inception

Just watched Inception two hours ago. Before I get to a review of that, just got to get some stuff out of the way. This morning I heard my mum ask my sister where Sudan is (don't know how they got to that), and my dumb**** sister says "somewhere in Asia? Wait, New Zealand?" NEW ZEALAND!?!? The f*cking shit is she on! AHHHHH!!!!

So this morning I literally got dressed in the dark and had no clue what I was wearing. On arrival at Parra station people's gaydars were clearly going off. Looking down I realised I was wearing a pink shirt with a purple jacket. Faaaaggooot~ No wonder the manly construction workers were staring with their 'What the fu....' eyes.

Aaaanyways, so most people said that Inception was Matrix-esque; I've read that at least five times before, and I've gotta agree. Starts confusing, but once you get the kinda weird dimensional-shift-style universe the movie is set in, it's totally understandable. Lacking the action Matrix had, lots of explosions but not really any hand/hand combat. I've always hated flashbacks and the same goes for this film. Utterly depressing scenes of Cobb's past are replayed constantly throughout the film. But this doesn't disturb the pace of the film too much. Overall the film is so totally original and different I loved it; the second half was filled with true suspense. Nolan somehow made watching a car spend 25 minutes falling off a bridge exciting. I'd rate it 8.5/10, best film I paid for since...ever? I guess one distraction through the film was the unbelievably slow speed at which frozen cokes melt. 3 hours after buying it I was still drinking the damn thing, just a chunk of ice with about 20mL of coke left somewhere inside, too Asian to through it away.

P.S. If anyone saw the riddle I made up "What doubles when you reduce it?" the answer is a monobrow. Thanks to Gintama's monobrow zombies.

Americans and others

Watching the Colbert Report I found that Texans are planning to illegalise sodomy. For those who don't know, sodomy is posh for buttsex. Now Texans have attempted to illegalise homosexuality before and failed, but this is the dumbest plan ever. Has anyone in Texas been to prison before? Think about it. The planned punishment for having buttsex is sending a homosexual into an enclosure full of other male prisoners with no female companionship... Do NOT drop the soap.

Elsewhere in the states, there was a news report on Afghanistan. For those who don't know, deposits of rare minerals have been discovered under Afghanistan totalling approx. 1 trillion dollars. I have a feeling mysterious weapons of mass destruction are gonna appear again. Anyway, on Fox News (no surprise), Steve Doocy (or should I say 'Douchey') was talking about how someone e.g. China will invade Afghanistan for their minerals. His reason is quote "it's a great big country that needs a whole lot of stuff". Wow. That is some amazing intellect right there. Such insight into foreign affairs.

Steering away from the US, I would like to join the bandwagon (bagwagon?), in bagging out Twilight. After hearing about how bad the books are I couldn't imagine anything worse. Then came the film adaptions. Some people may remember annoying year 9 girls Twilight chatting at tennis, well I've got a teenage sister. Thankfully I only have one, but that doesn't stop her spoiling dinner by retelling the plot to my mum, thinking she gives a crap. I don't give two fucks about Jacob or Edmond or whatever the fuck his name is, Twilight go to hell.

Finally something good to say, thank god this didn't happen to me on my ski trip. One word: HUMMERED.