So most of us have gotten some exam results back myself included. Motherfucked. Yeah, my mum raped my ass in a figurative sense, but english and economics can turn it around, fingers crossed.

Onto funnier events, I was walking home today and felt like I wanted to beat The Russian at attacking lifeless objects. So I put my hands in my pockets, and fell face forth, thus skidding down them on my face. Stairs 1 Me 0.

You know when you graze yourself and the skin turns white temporarily, before all the blood suddenly comes out? I love that moment. I also can't eat properly now, because moving my jaw up and down reopens the scratches for some retarded reason. Karma? Not that bitch again.


Anyways, I'd like rage like a rage-amuffin at Steam for making Team Fortress 2 free. It was one of the rare, simple, mmo's that wasn't filled with downers. I'm sure that it is now going to be flooded with vaginafaces who just play sniper and shoot arrows all over the place. Fooarck.

Riddle: There are two sisters standing in front of a forked path. One tells the truth, the other lies. One path leads to danger, the other safety. Who do you ask, and what is your question?

Lastly I'm just a little annoyed in my lack of planning for muck-up photos. I left it to the night before, as is my method for everything, and now am plain out of ideas. Maybe I'll be 'guy who attacked stairs with face'. Or go naked. It's a coin flip.

Enjoy life everybody, try the Ebi bun at Breadtop, it's awesome and don't forget who's yo' daddy.

"Must f-f-find a D-d-doraemon!" -Sakata Gintoki

New computer

So this post is nothing more than to show off my new comp. I got it yesterday, but was too tired last night to set it up. For those that don't know, my retarded relatives screwed up their computer, so needed a new one, while mine works fine. However when I opened up the tower this morning (just to see the inside) I think I jizzed in my pants. So while my mum went shopping and my sister went to work, I swapped it with my computer. Genius. Did someone ask specs? AMD Phenom II Quad core, 8GB RAM, 1TB Hard drive, 2GB Graphics card and finally got a Blu-ray drive. I believe I landed myself a sweet ass ride. Since I thought why not, I also made my mum buy a new monitor that has built in speakers for the lols.

And now I will definitely get started on Ancient. I promise. Oh wait it's due Tuesday. Hmmm...

Movies, Comedians, Tutoring and DoTA

If you know the last quote I posted then you'll know I watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off. At first I thought it was a bit overrated but ended up being one of the most enjoyable movies I've watched in recent years. The plot revolves around a boy half way through year 12 (coincidence?) who comes up with an extremely elaborate plot to skip a day of school. He ends up having the most amazing day ever, while escaping his parents', sister's and principal's attempts to catch him. Fantastic movie that is super relatable, despite being 25 years old. I give it 9/10.

Another movie I just watched is My Neighbour Totoro. Expecting a lame child's movie I was surprised by the magic that Miyazaki brings to a simple story with absolutely no plot. Although compared to Walt Disney and Miyazaki's later films, it lacks in both plot and character, but is still worth a watch, even if just for the overly cute Mei. (Looks like you Marshmallow). 8/10

I've been watching some stand-up comedy on Youtube again and have rewatched some of my favourites. Tim Vine is a brilliant one-liner comedian who has the toppest jokes. Dead Cat Bounce is a comedy band with a few songs, but are well worth a listen. I especially liked this one. Tim Minchin is an absolutely genius comedy musician who has some seriously deep and crazy songs but is good for a laugh. Finally my all time favourite comedian has to be Louis C.K. who talks about everyday life while not sounding boring. He also does some TV shows with this clip being one of the best (WARNING: extremely sacreligious not for Catholics).

I've wormed my way out of avoiding chemistry, maths and English tutoring for this weekend, but I still had to give lessons to my primary students. Normally the year six kid is pretty fine 'cos we can have intellectual conversations, but the year two kid can be a bit of a pain. However today he brought an assignment from school which required cutting and pasting. The best hour of fun I've had this year. It really takes me back to when life was just so simple and innocent. Except for a certain negro we all know. (Hint: the guy who got sent to remedial 'cutting' classes).

So since it's been exam week and all I started watching movies and DoTAing like a fucktard. So far I have been raped in every single game I've played. So can anyone who sucks shit please verse me to give me some confidence.

Punchline: Lemon-nades.

Riddle: How many slow pokes can a Slowpoke poke if a slow poke could poke slow?

Convo I had with a guy at Harvey Norman today:

Him: (With a big smile) Sooo it's veerrryyy good if you bought this protection. Full security for 3 years at just $30 a year? Can you get it any cheaper? (In regards to our new computer)
Me: Yes. I can get it for free.
Him: (Fully serious) We will not be responsible for any damage that occurs to your system while using pirated software. If anything goes wrong, it will not be covered at all.

I almost laughed out loud at his face, he looked so pissed.

"I hung a giant ass noose off my giant ass dick" -Shy Ronnie

Exams, DoTA, Facebook

So today was the biggest 'OMFG I'm suiciding' exam ever, but at least it's over and done with.

Since the exams were on and all I decided to start playing DoTA on Boredaussies again because that's the natural studying routine. Although it was somewhat expected, the level of rape I received was quite dispiriting. Last night I got destroyed by Gaymond's little brother who's like 14 or something. But then I felt so good when I owned some guy and he rage quitted. So fulfilling =). Anyways, add tadfg if anyone actually plays.

The other day I 'ran' into an old friend on Facebook. Haven't spoken in 8 years and suddenly I'm like "Holy shit! It's 2011? I'm gonna be an adult in 6 months? Fuckdatshit, I want my youth back!". Anyways, it's nice to catch up with people who you haven't spoken to in ages. Sort of nostalgic and warming. Also on Facebook, I realised my sister has 330 more friends than me. Super-depressing. I don't even know 330 people!

So if you haven't already figured it out, the answer to my riddle is: 'The love game". And the punchline if I didn't already tell you is "melted cheese sandwiches". I hope none of you get the joke, because that shows you have some innocence. Somehow I didn't get it until 'twas explained to me. Then I felt sick.

Joke: What explosive is sour? (Please don't give me some shit about acids, I've had enough chemistry.)

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller

Exams, TF2, Grossing out and a New Segment!

So during the last week it's been pretty crazy so I've learnt to find relaxation techniques. This is one of them. One of the most relaxing yet addictive simple flash games I've played in a while. I've also rearranged my room and computer equipment so that I can work in bed. Unfortunately this has led to a lot more procrastination than I'd hoped. Meh.

I recently found a video I was involved in earlier this year. This is just some random crap the PANTS group on Team Fortress 2 decided to mess around with. I was fortunate enough to be involved in "build so much stuff the server crashes" and "fireworks on halloween". We also filmed a Rocky film reproduction but it got taken down. Even more unfortunately, the PANTS group blew up because of real life issues. :'(

So recently my wisdom teeth have been growing out and it wasn't too bad at first. But one of the top teeth pushed off part of my gum, and now there's a piece of gum dangling at the back of my jaw. If that didn't gross you out, then maybe this will. WARNING: Dudes shouldn't watch it. Or chicks for that matter.

New Segment Time!

I've been reading some blogs recently and some people have recurring segments, so I thought I might start one. Since I spend heaps of time reading crap that is clearly a waste of memory, I'm going to put some of it to use.

Riddle: What game requires only one bat but two balls?
Clue: Two balls are normal but not necessary.

(Yes I know it's an easy one, but I'm tired right now so I can't be bothered coming up with something better.)

Joke: Why don't you give an old woman cunnilingus?

I'll post answer and punchline next time. I'm still making my mind up about 'prizes'.

So good luck with exams everyone and try not to commit suicide. If the pressure gets too big, then:

"Turn the Kabuki district into a bright red flower garden!" - Man Birabirabirabirabirabirako

Exams and trolls

It's Wednesday, Wednesday, gotta do work on Wednesday! Studying, studying yeah!

'Kay I'm gonna stop trolling now. Exams are coming up for the fourth time since I started blogging. I feel both old and tired. But soon it's all going to be over, just 135 days til our first HSC exam. My timetable is relatively well spaced and the timing is mostly pretty good except for 1:55pm Economics exam. It doesn't end til 5 pm. How the fuck am I going to stay awake that long? Should have done phys, biggest regret ever.

Onto more pressing matters, everyone around school's been asking me the same question and bugging me about it. I would like to make a public announcement that I am not going out with anyone right now nor in the near future. So can people please stop trolling me with stupid comments and calling me a pussy *glares at camera girl*.

I found an awesome movie. I'm not surprised the first was so good that they needed a sequel. Have got to watch that some day.

Anyways, good luck on the oncoming exams, if you are reading this, don't forget eco and chem are due tomorrow.

I'd just like to finish with a classic that always make my day brighter. Next time you run out of toilet paper just remember this quote.

"Do you know why god gave us two hands?" - Sakata Gintoki