Parental advice and other stuffz

Since my sister is growing up, my mum decided to lecture her on marriage and relationships. The example she used is of a white woman who married the man she loved, however he was a total loser in terms of academic and financial success and they can barely pay the rent. However they are happy because they've been in love for many years and I think they have 4 children (didn't hear properly). Apparently this is very stupid and typical of a white person. Any one with a brain would marry for money and success, love will only drag you down. As if my sister wasn't already screwed up enough now she will be single all her life too.

Something else that everyone probably heard from their Asian parents are ridiculous exaggerations of failure. For example, my mum's always told me if I don't get 90 something UAI/ATAR, I would become a janitor. She spent so many hours of my life tutoring me on what a janitor does every day. Another promise she made is that if I do not get a job soon, I will become a hobo. This is because no one will employ an 18 year old who doesn't have at least 2 years of work experience. And I thought to myself: that's logical. It explains all the hobos on the streets. I mean Africa has like 1 billion of them, very, very logical.

Something totally random the other day happened. When I was at Borders reading manga for free, the speakers suddenly played this song: Top Song Looking around I don't think anyone else realised we so just got rickrolled.

Something else that's pretty random which I noticed on TV. Most people have probably seen the Coco Pops add, where the slogan is "Like a milkshake, only crunchy!". Not to be picky, but isn't that like, I don't know, not a milkshake? Now I'm not an expert on milkshakes, but I have a feeling they are of the liquid persuasion. Which brings me to something else which is rather interesting. Why do Americans call petrol gas? Petrol is a liquid. Is it just the average American who does so? If I went up to an American chemist, I wonder what he would call it?

I thought I'd finish off with my belonging pic for our speech. Comment please!

I hate sisters

So my sister got the overpriced braces and we went out for the lunch on the weekend. She soon found out nothing was bitable nor chewable with braces. So since she couldn't eat, she decided to screw up everyone else's lunch. My mum ordered 2 mango pancakes, which are pancakes filled with cream. My sister ripped apart the pancakes, ate the cream inside and left the raped carcass of the pancakes on her plate. Then at dinner, my grandma made fried meat buns, (can't describe it properly), and we all just grabbed one off the main plate in the middle. My sister wouldn't eat because she didn't have her own plate. The fuck? Is she five? Last night she wouldn't eat chicken wings because it was too hard to bite the chicken, so my mum had to rip the chicken into small swallowable pieces. My mum is constantly telling me how mature my sister is and how I should be like her. FML.

My family and the apocalypse

My sister recently decided to get braces. Now her teeth are a bit out of line, but aren't very noticeable unless you're a dentist doing a check-up. However, she is spoilt, so she wants my mum to get her cosmetic dental surgery, costing almost $5000. What the fuck. But my mum isn't so good a person either. The other day I heard her talking to my sister about a mentally challenged guy, and she said he should have been aborted. She also thinks black people shouldn't come to Australia because they're all African refugees spending her tax money. Once she wouldn't shop in a store because the person at the counter looked middle eastern. I live with some seriously screwed up people.

Onto some lighter stuff, the other day I was watching Man vs. Wild, when I saw Bear eat raw sheep balls. He ate it because someone offered it to him and it would be rude to decline. No it fucking isn't. If someone gave me a penis burger I will not eat that shit. What a British douche.

I recently checked the most views videos on Youtube. Justin Bieber is #1. 2012? I think the Mayans were off by a few years. Clearly if Bieber has topped the list we are all fucked. So badly. I've even been seeing people posting comments on random videos trying to get other videos to top Bieber. But at 311 million views, he is almost 40 million ahead of Lady Gaga, who is only slightly better as the Youtube leader. Where has all the rock gone?
As of 6th September 2010 none of the top ten videos are rock music videos. In the list are also 2 Miley Cyrus videos. Surely that signifies humankind's failure as a species. Is this the apocalypse?

"It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)"- R.E.M.

Seekwels, treekwels and a flavorgasm

Last night my mum decided to have dinner at Star City Casino's restaurant. Because of her issues, I had to catch a bus to the city, while her and my sister took the car. It was an interesting ride, though. Bus travellers included a guy wearing a cape, a chick with no pants and a chick with drawn on eyebrows.
On arrival of the restaurant I saw a group of people in line that scared me shitless. About 7 or 8 guys who had their sideburns shaved, and mullets and arms covered in tattoos. It was like the Commancheros or something.
But finally dinner came and went, and in the words of Shaun Micallef: "And now we come, as we inevitably must, to the end game". For those who haven't eaten dinner before, there's this thing called dessert. Remembering my last trip there I reminisced of an awesome cherry cake and looked forward to it.
Unfortunately in Dessert 2: Dessertier (title of this trip), my cake was not there, so I made do. First was the toffee cake, which was average. Following was the ever present jelly. Again no surprises. Then out of the darkness rose the almond cake. 4 layers of sexy. Black forest was next. Staring at the chocolate I couldn't believe this could work. But oh it did! Next the banana cake helped the tastebuds calm down again before something amazing. Unable to find the name of this next cake I named it strawberry viagara, cos my tastebuds had a boner. Lastly was a rice/jellyish thing. The rice vomit tasted of rice with a pinch of vomit.
This was unsatisfactory. I likened my situation to Frodo's journey. Would Frodo be happy if some nigger orc took his ring right in front of Mt. Doom? I don't think so. But it was too bad, because I had already loosened my belt. Surely the game was over? But a twist to the tale! I decided to play extra time. Another lap of the buffet and I had gathered a shoddy éclair, a weak jelly, and some wannabe cheesecake. But these were all to set up my mouth for the coffee spider. At first I thought it was a chocolate fail. But after spilling some of the coffee on myself, I realised this was so much more. After tasting it, the coffee wasn't the only stains on me. Flavorgasm. Finally content that my day was done, I took a walk to allow the food to digest. Only to be horribly shocked. Another twist. A new dessert had been put out.
Could I take the risk? The day was complete, done, finished, I was content. But what if I missed out on something even better? I gambled. Picking up the 3 layered cup of sweetness, I ate a huge spoonful.
And I lost. What a fuck up! After the sexy coffee dessert, this tasted like anus. Utterly disgusted I sat and pondered where I'd gone wrong. Two epics in a row I have spent in that restaurant, two epics in which I tasted something amazing, only to end on something horrendous. I left the restaurant vowing that I would come back harder, better, faster and stronger.
Be ready for the treekwel: 'Dessert 3: The Flavorgasm strikes back'. It will be the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny.

Next time I will smell

9/11 and driving

So recently there's been the controversy over the mosque being built at ground zero. As a neutral standerby, I've got nothing against Muslims, but building a mosque at the sight of the 9/11 bombings is a bit like rubbing salt in the wounds. What I find ridiculously stupid, are the rallies planned. On the 11th of September 2010, there will be a rally to oppose the construction of the mosque. On the same day, there will be a rally to oppose the first rally. Fail.

Here's some news which is just unbelievable. For those who don't know, during the aftermath of the bombings, hundreds of people were stuck in the rubble, which meant rescuers had to run in and save people. This is a heroic but obvious act. But because of the rescuers heroism, many of them had to be treated due to injuries and many were compensated for their efforts. Obviously this had to come from the government. Now, August 2010, Congress (yes that's right, the USA again), has come up with the biggest bullshit I've ever heard. "They only thought of saving lives, and not of taxes" said one member, over the blame of the rescuers for costing tax payers' money. They are seriously blaming heroes for the rise in tax. On top of that, any hero who did not have US citizenship may be forced to give back whatever it cost to heal them and be forced to leave the country. Let's hope to god Congress gets bombed.

Finally, today I hit a bird with my car. I saw a brown ball fly onto the windshield from my right, before seeing some murky likwids being sprayed on the screen. I believe I hit the shit out of that bird, literally.

"If you kill yourself, I'll kill you" - Onizuka

Exams, small things, Sean got owned, I'm retarded

CHYEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH BOY! 2 unit maths is over mofos! wootwoot!!!!11!!one!!1sin90!1
Ahem. Now that 3 exams are done with, the pressure is starting to let up. But chemistry and 3 unit maths exams are still to come, along with 3unit English speech. And before we know it, HSC will begin. This shit just doesn't end.

On to less important matters, the other day I was reading manga when my mum walked in. The next page loaded to reveal a sex scene and my mum just froze. Seriously, worst timing ever.
Something I read about which was typical of Americans was this: A suspicious package was found and immediately the SWAT team and bomb defusal skwad was called in. When the contents could not be ascertained, they concluded it was dangerous so decided to blow it up. If that wasn't genius enough, they checked what was in the package afterwards. Turns out it was filled with pamphlets on teaching people what to do when they find a suspicious package.

Hopefully Sean will never read this. On the way home we walked past the Chinese take-away shop that closes at 3pm (retards), and we saw it was open so we read the menu for fun (also retards). After a few jokes I bet him 2 bucks he couldn't buy a spring roll. The reason is they only sell 6 for $4.80. The ensuing haggling and persuasion by Sean to buy just 1 spring roll from the old Asian lady was indescribably funny. Revelling in others' misfortune is so fun.

I experienced the dumbest most retardededest thought the other day. When playing guitar I was only hitting about half the notes, but I was unsure the exact percentage. So in my mind I wondered: 'What if they made a guitar hero style game, but for guitars?'. Fuck me.

"Study, study, study, study!"- Kintaro