Zombie Invasion Survival Guide

I personally enjoy a good horror movie, with zombie invasion style ones at the top of my list. However my main issue with most films, is that the characters seem to have never actually seen a zombie invasion film themselves, thus, they die. I've decided that since 2012 is nearing, I will write a guide for all the people who deserve to survive but don't know how.

5 Rules of Survival

1. Never go alone.
You know those times when some idiot says: "Hey, maybe I should go check it out?", runs out into the darkness with a torch and dies? Try not to be that idiot.

2. Never go alone to find the guy who went alone.
Seriously, learn from other's mistakes. If one dumbass goes and gets eaten, don't try to find him, you'll only get eaten yourself.

3. Finish it.
How many times has the phrase: "Is it dead?" been someone's last words? If you hit the zombie in the face with a bat, continue to beat the living shit out of it (Or dying shit out of it), don't stop to check.

4. Don't save him.
Doubtlessly someone will fall over right when being chased by zombies and chances are, you are the only one to turn around and see the guy on the ground. I know it may be harsh, but fuck 'im. He is so screwed for not tying his laces up, running back will only screw you over too.

5. Check it.
Throughout your adventure, you will run into many little obstacles which may lead to your face getting eaten. So it is in your best interests to check everything before you do anything. E.g. fuel level in a car, ammo in a gun, water/food in your bag, laces tied, doors locked etc.

One more piece of advice which isn't a rule but more of a guideline, is don't shit in private. Yes, you may be asking: "What the fuck? You want me to shit in front of you?", so I will answer, "Do you want to die shitting yourself?". Make sure people are within range of you so that if you are getting raped by a zombie's mouth, they can shoot it's ass.

Some other factors of surviving a zombie invasion include weaponry choices. Recently reading a blog I discovered some interesting facts. The best melee weapon would be a crowbar, while a ranged weapon would be a .22 Calibre Long Rifle. A crowbar can be used for opening locked doors or crates as well as de-braining. While the rifle is quite powerful and ammo is easily found for it. However they only work for Americans. (for more info American Zombie Survival Guide).

Since guns are hard to find in Australia, more commonly found and useful weapons include cricket bats, gardening hoes, and molotov cocktails. I also advise the use of young siblings as sacrifices. But we as a nation should be more prepared for what may come. So I suggest the government get working on some zombie killin' defence. Here is a list of ranged weapons Australia should have a think about designing: Weapons List
My favourite being the good ole rocket-propelled-chainsaw.

There is so much more to life than sitting around studying and playing games, we may run into more troubles then paying taxes in the future. As Columbus from Zombieland once said, "It's amazing how fast the world can go from bad to total shit storm."
So suit up everybody, and let's go kill some bitches!